Don't Go Away
by bonbonpich
Summary: Tsuzuki had occuring nightmares of his partner disappearing from him. Hisoka assured that wouldn’t happen. But how could they deal with it when the dream was becoming real and Muraki was behind it. TsuHi Fluff. *On Hold*
1. ch1 From Gravah Park

Disclaimer: Original characters & story belonged to Yoko Matsushita-sensei

'_thoughts, memories'_

"spoken words"

--- memory event ---

**Title DON'T GO AWAY **

**Chapter 1 From Gravah Park**

"That was a good thing that rarely happens, was it?" The amethyst-eyed shinigami chirped at his younger partner who barely paid attention on whatever the man has said. "Since we have finished our assignment, how about we..."

"No," the blond empath snapped. "If you were thinking about using the remaining cash we have for those apple pies or sweets, Tatsumi-san certainly will go mad. He should be glad, if you, of all people, saved the remaining money for the next assignment."

The boy did state his point. Sometimes he really had sympathy towards the secretary, who had a hard time dealing with the budget difficulties each day, since the Shokan Division had a certain shinigami who couldn't keep his hands off destroying properties and always crossed the line of how to use the limiting amount of budget.

"Tatsumi wouldn't know. Besides, we still have one day before we should get back to EnMaCho and report our work. We haven't even gotten a glimpse of which place Tatsumi prepared for us to rest in. It might be good this time! And today's almost six, it's getting dark. We better stay here tonight and leave tomorrow morning. Isn't that better?" The chocolate-haired man tried to persuade his partner to stay just to have the boy glare back at him.

"That's a lame excuse; we could have just teleport back, baka."

They were in Nagasaki, taking a stroll along when Tsuzuki yet refused to return to Meifu after they had completed their assignment, which happen to be lucky enough to clear it in no time. Find the lost soul, contact the higher ups, and case resolved. Pretty easy; no doubt that Kachou wouldn't assign them to do something tough now, seeing how they have just recovered from the Kyoto incident a few weeks ago.

However, for Hisoka, the difficulties might be that it may bring back the unpleasant memories. Realizing this, Tsuzuki concernedly glance over Hisoka who walked by his side.

--- Being Muraki's captive, bleeding to death by the psychotic doctor's hands, was used as bait. Worse than anything, to be forced on the edge where haunted memories flood back when it was better left unknown. A memory which the 16-years-old boy could never spend his lifetime coping with, or even a hard time to cope in his afterlife. ---

Still, all the boy wanted was just to know the truth.

"Baka," the boy abruptly mumbled.

"Huh?" Tsuzuki couldn't understand what Hisoka meant.

"Don't worry about me; you worry about your...apple pie." The emerald eyes looked away, thinking to himself that his elder partner wouldn't either preferred it if he was told to worry about himself.

"Umm, are you really OK, Hisoka?" The man inquired.

"I told you, don't worry, I'm fine. By the way, this place doesn't sound bad as you may think that I think," answered Hisoka. After all, it was the place where Tsuzuki came to save him, where he asked Hisoka to be his partner forever.

Tsuzuki paused in his stride, a warm smile spreading across his face. "I'm glad if you feel that way, Hisoka. Because I like this place; it's where I met you."

The young shinigami abruptly stopped strolling at some distance ahead of Tsuzuki. He didn't turn back, didn't make any movement, and didn't reply to Tsuzuki's statement. When Tsuzuki announced suddenly that he was hungry, the boy just nodded, thanks to his hair which now had grown longer, enough to cover his reddish face.

* * *

"Oi! Oi! Keep in mind, don't get so drunk that you have to sleep here!" Hisoka scowled at his elder partner who now took the sa-ke gulp after gulp until he couldn't support himself to sit up right and was slumping on the restaurant table, his cheeks rosy with alcohol.

"No more, Tsuzuki," Hisoka took the glass off of Tsuzuki's hand.

"Mou, Hisoka," the man grumbled.

"No buts. We're leaving, before you really have to sleep here," the boy motioned the waiter for the bill.

* * *

"Watch your step, drunkard!" Hisoka hissed as he struggled to carry the bigger man over his slim shoulders. Tsuzuki merely staggered at each trod.

"Ne...Hisoka..."

"Just shut up and walk," the boy grunted.

Tsuzuki peered at the huffing boy, "meany..."

They came across the park a few blocks away from the hotel, when Tsuzuki finally missed his step, causing both of them to crumble down to the ground with the boy's small yelp. Hisoka tried to adjust his position, muttering, "baka" as he shoved his drunken partner off himself in sitting position.

The man merely murmured something that the boy could neither make out nor care about anyway. He let out a sigh while he put Tsuzuki's arms around his shoulders again. "Come on, get up." Both of them attempted to get to their feet but failed to do so. "Baka! I should've knocked you off in the first place! Before you had more of those things!"

The boy glared at the clumsy man. Tsuzuki began to chuckle softly at the boy's action, which caused Hisoka to get even more frustrate. He felt the blood rise to his cheeks. "This isn't funny, TSUZUKI ASATO!"

"Ne, Hisoka, let's just take a break here for a while," the drowsy man whispered. To the boy's exhaustion, he agreed and managed to drag Tsuzuki to the nearest public bench in the open park. Hisoka sat up straight, with his elder partner beside him who languidly slumped onto the boy's shoulder.

"Tsu...Tsuzuki!" The boy would have yelled louder if there weren't people around.

_'What's with this all of the sudden? Did he have a nervous breakdown or something? He'll never normally do things like this. No...I can't sense any negative feelings from him. But…all he feels now is…comfy?'_

He gasped softly when Tsuzuki slumped down even further and ended up on his lap, amethyst-eyed slowly drifting close and falling asleep. Emerald eyes widened, his pale cheeks turning into crimson red even more than the alcohol does to the sleeping man in his lap.

The blonde was about to yell and swat his partner away but stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Tsuzuki's lips parted a little, curving upward into a small smile.

_'Just like a child. You should stop calling me that when you yourself were acting like one.'_

Hisoka put the thought of protesting a man at the back of his mind. His emerald eyes softened as it rested on the childish man, now totally ignoring of what people might think of them.

Somehow this brought back more of his memories. Of the Kyoto incident when Tsuzuki had been vulnerable after Muraki had told him he wasn't human.

--- After Hisoka had stopped the amethyst-eyed man from hurting himself, the man wouldn't let go of him. Together, they stumbled through the heavy snow until they came across the park.

Hisoka helped Tsuzuki to walk under the small concrete bridge where children used to play. Either because the snow was too hard to get through or that they were too tired, especially Tsuzuki.

Abruptly, Tsuzuki couldn't support himself to stand anymore; he slumped across Hisoka who intended to catch the man before both of them were on the ground. The empath sat himself up in the sitting position when Tsuzuki was already on his lap, his hand holding onto Hisoka's tightly, his eyes once always filled with joy and laughter were now dimmed and...lost. As Tsuzuki almost fell out of his lap, the boy pulled the man closer, up into a more comfortable position. Still, Tsuzuki didn't let go of Hisoka's hand for any seconds.

Hisoka didn't really have any idea of what he could possibly do to comfort the broken man. So he did the same thing Tsuzuki had done the one time he had cried. Hesitantly, he raised his hand and stroked gently on the chocolate brown hair. And Tsuzuki had calmed down.

The weather was cold but they were warm.

At that moment, Hisoka was willing to let Tsuzuki have his lap to sleep or even sob in until morning came, if Mariko has not happened to appeared. ---

The empath was brought back from his thought when he heard the man murmured._ 'He couldn't just stop chattering even in the sleep._' Hisoka studied his partner.

_'He looked so...young, despite his age.'_

Green eyes softened as they closed in exhaustion.

* * *

"Hmm," the shinigami stirred, his eyes clumsily flickering open. His vision was a little blurred, by the sa-ke he has had. It took time to focus, and then he realized the world he sees was in its inclined horizon.

He turned his head to the side, facing upward the night sky overhead. Above him was the young pinkish pale face of a boy who appeared to be sleeping, his head tilted to the side upon his small shoulder. Tsuzuki didn't make any movement. His eyes gaped at his younger partner above him who had his back pressed against the bench in a sitting position.

He was in Hisoka's lap. The man couldn't help but loss for thought of how the boy could have allowed it. What took him by surprise further was that he feels the empaths's small hand on his hair.

He lay there, unable to move, afraid that the slightest movement might wake the boy up and then he'd lose his moment. He settled his gaze upon the sleeping face. The boy's fair skin created a glowing complexion as the warm moonlight bathed him. His ash blond hair seemed even lighter than usual. Tsuzuki found himself drawing to those looks.

At some point, the wind blew. The tall trees in the park swirled from side to side, its leaves shuffling. Cool winds hit the boy's face, and his eyes fluttered open immediately. The young empath looked around, recalling the current situation, he looked down. And then…

THUD!

It happened so fast that Tsuzuki couldn't regain his position; he was already on the cold ground. Hisoka had suddenly stood up, causing the man in his lap to fall over.

Tsuzuki clutched his neck, "Oww, that hurts...," then he looked up confusingly at the standing boy.

"Baka-yarou! If you were already awake, then why didn't you get off?" Hisoka yelled at the top of his lungs. The few people who walked by threw their glance on the two shinigamis in surprise and curiosity but generally didn't care too much anyway, except for a few girls who kept their giggling to themselves. And Hisoka tried his best to ignore them.

Tsuzuki could only look at the boy who was flushed all over from the cheek to his ears. Tsuzuki kept a small smile to himself which didn't go unnoticed by the empathy.

"What's so funny?" Hisoka growled. Tsuzuki merely looked at the boy, shaking his head side to side. "Nothing, thank you for your offering, Hisoka" he grinned happily.

"Urr! You're the one who fell into my...lap! And I'm just too exhausted to...carry you...off me! Just get up and let's head back! Baka!" Hisoka growled as he turned and stomped out of the park.

The tall shinigami was up on his feet, the smile still plastered on his face. Dusting off his black trench coat, he trod after his partner and fell over in the process, taking not more than three steps.

Hisoka's eyebrow above his closing eyes twitched in irritation, he whirled around. "Just stay there, drunken idiot, I'll go bring you some drinks to sober you." The young boy rushed out into the night.

"Wait! Hisoka!" Too late; Tsuzuki had lost sight of the small figure. He didn't have any much choice but to obey the boy since the alcohol held him back down.

"What a Baka..." Hisoka mumbled, reaching down and grabbed two cans of cold drink from the vending machine. The boy signed inwardly, turning to dart back to the park. _'Is this what he wants? Staying over night on earth and getting drunk? What if I'm not with him when he's drunk?' _Hisoka's thought was abruptly cut off when he bumped against a bigger figure as he made a turn at the corner.

Pale hands belonging to the man Hisoka has just ran into attempt to catch the boy's arm to prevent him from falling flat on his back. Two cans of drink now rolled on the ground until the man picked them up and handed them to the boy who was mumbling his apologies.

The place was dark. Hisoka couldn't see clearly while he reached for the cold drinks and was about to thank the man. The murky clouds moved aside, revealing the round moon behind it with the color of sanguine. Blood red.

At the moment his hand touched the cold cans, emerald eyes widened in shock as they recognized the owner of those ivory pale hands. The cans came crashing back down to the ground again.

Standing in the very front of him was a man dressed entirely in white, platinum blond hair and piercing silver eyes. "Kids shouldn't drink coffee, especially before bedtime, Bouya."

* * *

_"What took him so long? He should've been back by now_," Tsuzuki stared up at the night sky.

_Tsu...zuki..._

Amethyst eyes widened, he stood up from the bench immediately, feeling the tension in his head. He couldn't fight the urge of being drunk as he managed to make his way out of the park. The shinigami tried to clear his mind and focused on his every step. His head turned left and right. With that, he ran as fast as his right state of mind could offer.

'_Hang on, Hisoka. I'm coming!'

* * *

_

_To be continued_

Comments?


	2. ch2 Fated Chance Meeting

Note: Lots of thanks to Wintersturm who helped me through all kinds of these fanfic's problem.

**Ch. 2 Fated Chance Meeting**

Below the night sky in Nagasaki, ran a man in black trench coat, searching desperately for something. He staggered and bumped into almost everyone in his path. He ignored the shouting and cursing directed his way, instead kept on searching for his lost partner.

He came across the corner and paused when he heard a crunch below his feet; he has stepped on a can of drink. Tsuzuki frowned; while it wasn't common for un-drink coffee cans to litter the streets, he had a hunch that the drink can was significant as he saw another can close to the corner. His instinct told him to turn at the corner and he did so.

He gaped at the scene before him in horror. It was that person who he had almost successfully dragged him down to hell in Kyoto back then. The one who he was willing to give up his life along with, if it means that he could kill the man.

What took Tsuzuki to gasp was the small form he saw in the doctor's arms, lying limply unconscious. Their faces were an inch apart. The surgeon's pale lips moving dangerously close to the boy's.

"HISOKA!" Tsuzuki shouted for the boy but Muraki was the one who turned to him instead. "Hmm…I was expecting to see you…Tsuzuki-san. It's been a while," he smiled wickedly. "It must be fate that we always run into each other."

Tsuzuki found himself unable to move, cold sweat made its way down from his forehead to the cheeks. Much as he hated to admit, he knew in his heart, he was afraid of the doctor, after all what he had been through. But he couldn't afford to run away either, not when his partner was in the psychotic bastard's hands. He clenched his fist. "Let him go! Muraki!"

"Hmm? Why should I? Does this belong to you?" He raised his hand to caress the boy's cheeks, "I guess not. I was the one who claimed this beautiful doll from the very beginning."

Violet eyes glinted up in anger. He hated to think about how Muraki was still alive, and as long as he does, if they met, Muraki would still repeat those statements again and again. He felt like punching that smirking pale face.

But much to Tsuzuki drunken state, he swayed, his feet was unsteady. Still smirking, Muraki walked closer to the shinigami with a bundle still in his arms. "I see you're not feeling well, Tsuzuki-san, sa-ke again? Hmm…" His silver eyes shifted from Tsuzuki to the boy in his arms swiftly for a moment, then back again to Tsuzuki. "…So Bouya's going to get those drinks for you…what a lovely caring," he said, though his tone suggested the direct opposite. "But a cold drink when you needed a hot one...such Bouya." He shook his head mockingly with a soft low tone chuckle.

"Shut up!" Tsuzuki shouted through clenched teeth while Muraki continued, "Is it always like this? You get drunk, break down vulnerably, and leave the boy to look after you. I wonder if he would feel how hopeless you are."

"Let…let him go!" Tsuzuki repeated aloud as he clenched his fist, aiming to give the doctor a blow right into his face. Muraki was faster, he stepped aside with the boy still dangling in his arms, Tsuzuki fell down as a result.

"You haven't change, Tsuzuki-san, how long would it take you guys to learn that you cannot rush me." Muraki let a sigh escaped his lips. "I see you want the boy back that much, here's your reward for doing your best." He threw Hisoka who fell down directly into the Tsuzuki's waiting arms.

Instantly, Tsuzuki looked down at his partner worriedly.

Seeing the boy was physically unharmed, but he would never know what the doctor might do beyond physically harm, he whirled his head up to the standing doctor and demanded, "What did you do to him, Muraki?"

"I didn't do a thing to him," Muraki closed his eyes, raising his hand up tucking it between his chin as if he was deep in thought. He adjusted his eyeglass before his eyelid slowly opened, "because…doing it with you seems to be a better idea."

Before Tsuzuki could utter a word, Muraki was already kneeling down close in front of him who held the young empath protectively in his firm arms. "I really should claim you as well." Muraki ignored the bundle that was between him and Tsuzuki as he shifted closer enough to press his lips against the stunned shinigami's.

He frozed, violet eyes widened in fear. His brains stopped functioning while his lips was still being caught by the cold one. He went numb while the only thing he acknowledged was nothing but pain of his past, in his mind and in his heart.

At the instant, a flash of memory came back to him.

--- It was dark; some place he didn't know, only the green light was glowing dimly from the middle corner of the room. His dark violet eyes stared straight blankly, not reflecting the figure that was in front of him, the silver-haired man in white.

"Grandfather…your patient had returned." The man in white bent down to level with another man whom was lying on the operating table. "I've been waiting forever…for this moment" He spoke to the insensible man as he brought his pale hand over another man's chest before resting it on his cheeks. He closed his silvery eyes, savoring the moment.

Seven seconds was all that the violet-eyes man stared blankly while his slightly parting lips were touched by another's. Then tears began flooding up his dimmed eyes, and were more than enough to fell down his cheeks. Still he remained motionless. The man in white took notice.

"Nightmares? Tsuzuki-san?" The man in white gently brushed away his tears. "Don't worry, soon…you will never dream again." He then brought the man's face between his hands and planted his own face on the crook of his neck. ---

Back to reality now, Tsuzuki cried. He didn't know exactly how or why, he just did. He didn't even notice it until he felt warm drops of tears fell off his cheeks, landing on Hisoka's face.

Those unacceptable memories overwhelmed him.

"Urr," the boy's stirred snap Tsuzuki out of his paralysis. Tsuzuki shut his eyes tight and bit his lips hard against Muraki's own.

Pale, bitten lips retreated almost instantly and Muraki stepped backward while rising to his feet steadily. "Such violent act, Tsuzuki-san," he chukled, "but that's why I like you." He licked the red drops of blood tainted his lips. "Well, since I'm done with you two, I'll leave, for now," he turned his back on the two shinigamis.

"Wait! Damn it! Why couldn't you just leave us alone? Muraki!" The doctor halted.

"Leave you? You two are the one who ran into me this time." The doctor said sardonically as he glanced back from out of the corner of his eyes. "Well well, sooner or later I'll have to see both of you again." He paused, adjusting his eyeglass, "till we meet again." He disappeared into the night.

Tsuzuki took a deep breath. Gathering the bundle in his arms, his eyes settled weakly upon Hisoka, whispering, "I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around the unconscious boy, and shuddered silently.

* * *

Tsuzuki swung the door open and entered their living quarters. The apartment was rather old and shabby with only one small bed and a futon prepared for sleeping. Aside from that, not even a piece of furniture was to be seen.

The man laid the youth on the bed, removing the boy's shoes; he placed them near the door.

Tsuzuki sighed softly as he was able to find some clean cloth. Upon finding it, he soaked it with fresh water from the attached bathroom before bringing it over to wipe it gently over Hisoka's pale face and hands. Yet the sleeping face showed no hint of response.

At least it was good enough that it doesn't look like he was in anguish and agony just like the time he was having the nightmare about that guy. Just to make sure, though, Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka's long sleeve back, revealing his pale and small arm. He sighed in relief; the red curse marks remain hidden from view. He smiled to himself, thinking that Hisoka would smack him for doing such thing.

Satisfied that his partner was fine for a moment. Tsuzuki then pulled up the thick blanket and tucked the boy in. After that, he made his way towards the bathroom.

Sprinkling the water onto his face, his hands rested on the sink while he gazed at the man in the mirror who merely gazed back at him. A waved of unidentifiable emotion washed over him. His hand clenched, and trembled, Tsuzuki's head hung downward, his dimmed amethyst eyes stared at the running water.

Abruptly, he placed his hand under the cold running water and brought it up to brush his lips. Again, he rubbed, and wiped his lips. Again and again, Tsuzuki repeated the action until his lips began to feel sore and swollen despite the cold water.

'_Why did I…cried? And….that memory…have I been…touched by him…in that way before?'_ He can't remember any of those events. He didn't know much; in fact, he didn't know anything at all, about what had happened exactly after he had prisoned himself in his own consciousness. He didn't even want to think about it.

'_So Muraki was really alive.'_

Tsuzuki clutched his temple nervously, trying to shake the thought out of his head. There was a small sound of movement from the outside. Upon hearing this, Tsuzuki rushed out only to find Hisoka still unconscious but he shifted his position a little.

Feeling somewhat gladdened by this fact, Tsuzuki sat himself on the futon on the floor beside the bed, next to the sleeping boy. Violet eyes rested on the small form, watching the boy breath softly, his chest rising up and down evenly under that thick blanket.

He smiled faintly as he laid his hand upon the boy's small one. "Everything's going to be all right, Hisoka." Tsuzuki didn't expect the empath to respond, but the boy was there. Hisoka was there.

"I have a chance to carry you to bed again." He merely chuckled to himself softly. "You might not know, I'm so used to carrying you to bed by now that I'm starting to like it. It was different, comparing to the first time when you passed out." Then he thought to himself that the first time he had to carry the boy, he was complaining why should he carry such a little angsty brat like this back to the room. But later on in many other times, which he can't think of off-hand; he did carried Hisoka through all that whenever he fell.

"You would probably call me an idiot if I told you I'm pretty proud of myself that I have the ability to grab you before you fall. I guess I'm with you long enough to read the signs of when you'll fall, and I'll have my arms just ready for that."

"But when it comes to him…" His smile faded, "I'm sorry Hisoka, I should've gotten you back to Meifu like we were supposed to. If I have done that, you wouldn't have to meet him. If only I hadn't been drunk. If I had been there with you."

Tsuzuki buried his face into the white sheet of thick blanket before his eyes drifted close.

* * *

to be continued 


	3. ch3 Bewitching Captive

**Chapter 3 Bewitching Captive**

Tsuzuki woke up in the middle of the night, rubbing his eyes drowsily. Across the window, the huge moon behind the dark clouds hung high in the night sky, revealing only some lighter part of the moon.

His eyes don't need much time to adjust to the dark since he always was acquainted to it. He tensed as he acknowledged that something wasn't right.

He couldn't feel the warm body in front of him.

As the clouds inched apart itself, it revealed the full white round moon.

The next thing he heard himself gasped as he can now see clearly. The bed which he slumped on, which was supposed to hold the sleeping boy was empty.

That wasn't all. The blankets were folded neatly on the clean bed as though it had never been used in the first place. The white sheet almost looked glowing as the stream of the moonlight bathed them.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki stumbled to his feet, leaving the sheet to fall off untidily. He ran to check the bathroom. Empty. He looked around the room which was relatively small enough to get the idea in no time that there was no one but himself.

Hisoka's jeans were gone, as were his shoes. He's gone. _'Maybe he just went for a walk or something. But…at a time like this? Without…telling me?'_ The idea doesn't seem to calm Tsuzuki down; he grabbed his trench coat, pulled on his shoes and reached for the doorknob.

As the door was swung open, Tsuzuki gasped once again. The place before his eyes was covered with nothing. Everywhere he set his eyes upon were all totally white with faint fog; nothingness. He turned around to find that the room he had occupied with Hisoka was now gone.

"What is this place…?"

It all doesn't make any sense to him, but he put it aside. Priority should come first. He ought to find Hisoka.

Before he could take a step, a couple cut across his path. Frowning at the sudden disturbance, his eyes followed the two form's back. From where he stood, he could make out a woman with long black hair holding the hand that belonged to the little boy beside her. Both wore beautiful kimonos. The woman was in dark red and the boy was in light green one.

'_A mother and her child?' _Tsuzuki wondered. He was about to called them to ask what had happen here when he suddenly recognized the small form of the boy. Sandy blond hair, pinkish white pale skin.

"Hisoka!"

Within a few long hurried strides, Tsuzuki had caught up with them and grasped the little boy's free hand in his own and turned him around gently. The wide innocent emerald eyes were now looking startled at the concerned amethyst ones.

The woman made no move, but she didn't let go of the boy's other hand.

"It's really you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki smiled faintly with relief as he got down on his knees to level with Hisoka's small form.

'_Why was Hisoka becomes so small as he looks no older than 13?_' But he swiftly brushed the thought from his mind. In all honesty, he didn't really care. Whether his partner was in 16 or 13 years of age in that body, whatever, younger or older, as long as it was Hisoka.

The boy made no move as well, the emerald eyes that previously registered shock now locking on Tsuzuki with faint surprise.

Seconds passed, then minutes, and finally a tiny arm jerked, half-heartedly trying to pull out of Tsuzuki's grip. Tsuzuki blinked as he recalled how this little boy behave just like the partner he knew so well, he smiled softly at the boy. "It's ok, I won't hurt you." Then he turned to the woman in the red kimono. "Excuse me, Miss, but where are you taking Hisoka to? He's with me."

Still, the woman didn't move, continuing instead to stare unmoving and ahead, as though frozen in time, except the hold of her hand on Hisoka was tightened. Much to Hisoka's small hand, he let out a small yelp.

Had not the woman Hisoka's hand in hers, Tsuzuki would have pulled the boy directly into his arms.

"Miss! You're hurting him! Please let go." Before Tsuzuki could try to pry the woman's hand off his little partner, her body began to fade, and soon enough, vanished.

Disappeared.

Tsuzuki could only gaped at the scene in shock, but his mind snapped back when Hisoka made a small sound. "It's all right; I'll take you out of here, Hisoka." Tsuzuki gave him a reassuring smile, tightening his grip on the boy gently.

"It's ok, Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki was caught by the sudden soft voice as he was about to stand, he bent down once more. "What?" He asked the boy gently.

At the moment, his eyes widened as the boy now began to fade the way the woman had.

Trying to quell the panic rising within him, Tsuzuki now brought both of Hisoka's arms together in front of him, looking questioningly into those eyes. "Hisoka! What's happening to you?"

The once-cold green eyes were now softened on Tsuzuki.

"Tsuzuki…I do believe…" The voice was now so small that Tsuzuki couldn't almost make it out. As well as Hisoka's lips, it curved upward into a small smile, which no one could ever tell that the boy was actually smiling.

"What? Hisoka, what…" Tsuzuki couldn't help but stuttered as he felt Hisoka's hands were getting cold. His form slowly but kept fading more and more.

Deep inside, Tsuzuki knew that there was nothing he could do, much like he doesn't know what to do when there was only nothingness around them. But that didn't stop him from trying to teleport back to Meifu alongside with Hisoka. Unsurprisingly, he failed.

Everything doesn't seem to make sense at all.

All he could do was hold the boy closed to himself, dread filled his amethyst eyes. "Hisoka…don't disappear. Don't go away from me." His voice muffled as he whispered into the boy's neck until the small figure was completely gone. Then he was holding onto nothing but an empty air.

Alone in the middle of all of the nothingness, he cried.

"HISOKA!"

* * *

…_ki…_

'_suki…'_

"Tzusuki!"

His eyes snapped open at the voice calling his name. Tsuzuki practically leapt out of the bed to see Hisoka sitting in front of him, his emerald eyes reflecting a hint of shock.

"Hisoka…" The man choked out, his forehead sweating. "You're here; you're not disappearing from me?"

"What are you talking about? Daydreaming or what?" Hisoka asked confusingly. Before he could make further question, he was hurled by the bunch of emotion from Tsuzuki.

Worry, sadness, concern, relief.

Tsuzuki had been tossing and turning in his sleep, his eyebrows knitted and his face twisted in all the miserable expressions. As if he was about to cry.

'_And he cried out…my name.'_

"…_don't go away…?"_

'_Where else would I go, Tsuzuki, if not back to you._'

"It's just a nightmare, Tsuzuki," Hisoka patted on Tsuzuki's back tentatively.

"It was so real, Hisoka," the man mumbled.

'_I have had nightmares sometimes, about the people I killed, the guilt that had resulted, of Tohda's flames and even of Muraki but not this, never this.'_

Hisoka sighed inwardly, "but I'm not going anywhere." He shrugged. "So what did you dreamed about? Would it help if you tell me about it?"

* * *

"I told you, it's just a nightmare, I'm here, Tsuzuki. Besides the woman you're talking about…" Hisoka paused dead in his conversation.

Guilt welled within Tsuzuki as he recalled that the boy no longer wished to have anything to do with a family who deemed him a monster anymore.

"I'm over with it already, long time ago," his face turned away, showing no emotion.

Tsuzuki knew it well more than the boy does, that it wasn't something to get over with that easily. It's still there. The pain, the wounds that had already became a permanent scar. He started to reach out to offer Hisoka what comfort he could.

Suddenly, the boy jerked his head and looked back at Tsuzuki, "We're already dead, right? We're in a place where no ordinary people can reach us, they can't hurt us anymore."

'_It's only memories that hurt us.' _Hisoka bit his lips.

Tsuzuki drew his hand back, smiling softly instead. "You're right; it's just a bad dream." He tried to tell himself to believe in Hisoka's words.

"Thanks, Hisoka, I guess I'm OK now," he beamed brightly at the boy who merely turned his face away and replied with a soft, "unn." Then the bright expression were turned into worried one, "Hisoka…I have to ask…how about you? Did he…did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you?"

"What?" The boy's eyebrows were raised questioningly, "what are you talking about?"

"Huh? I mean…yesterday." The man replied sadly, he added, "I'm…sorry…because of me…but I won't let him harm you again."

"What, what? Tsuzuki? Is that another dream or nightmare or what? What are you talking about this time?" Hisoka threw the questions when he didn't really understand what the other was talking about.

"You don't remember? Yesterday…last night…" Tsuzuki prompted as the boy shifted his gaze towards the white sheets resting on the bed and tried to think.

"Last night…you were drunk…I couldn't afford to carry you back to the hotel. So I left you in the park and went out to buy some cold drinks…and…and…after that…what happened? I…don't remember. Why…what happened, Tsuzuki?"

Hisoka's eyes set back on Tsuzuki questioningly. Tsuzuki remained motionless. "Did that guy erase his memory again? But what for? So he didn't do anything to Hisoka? It couldn't be, he never bother to leaves him alone. Or was it simply because I made it there in time before he had a chance to harm Hisoka.?'

"Tsuzuki?" The voice brought him back to attention, Tsuzuki has decided to spoke.

"Oh! It's nothing…yeah, I guess you passed out because you're too tired carrying me around, I found you somewhere near the park. Couldn't remember much of the detail either. I was drunk. And I just had a bad dream. All together I'm mixed up!" He laughed sheepishly.

Hisoka wasn't fooled; he's empath after all. He tried to make out what Tsuzuki was hiding from him, but Tsuzuki had put up strong shields, effectively blocking out all thoughts. He tried another way, looking seriously into those amethyst depths.

"I told you, it's nothing! Really! Hey, don't look at me like that. Don't ask question anymore. I don't want to think about that…dream anymore." The last words came out through trembling lips and his voice cracked.

'_It's ok, as long as you're here with me, then everything will be right, nothing is wrong at all._'

The boy rolled his eyes. _'I blacked out? When? But the last thing I remember…I was in someone's arms…familiar ones…like Tsuzuki…and he's crying…why...?_'

Tsuzuki looked anywhere but at Hisoka. It was an implication to avoid continuing the conversation. It made the empath merely sigh in defeat. _'Maybe it's just a daydreaming too.'_

Hisoka scowled slightly before he threw himself out of the bed and started folding the sheets up.

"We're going back?" Tsuzuki asked upon seeing the boy's actions.

"Yeah, we've already finished our assignment, what's the point of staying here any longer?" Hisoka answered practically.

Tsuzuki slipped off his futon and fold it as well, preparing to leave. "Yeah, let's go home, Hisoka."

'_But what do you said you believe in? Hisoka.'

* * *

_

to be continued


	4. ch4 Amethyst Remembrance

Special thanks to Kyoukutou for beta-reading.

* * *

**Ch. 4 Amethyst Remembrance**

A few days later after the last assignment, everything seemed to be back to normal. Just an average day in JuOhCho, at least that's what Kurosaki Hisoka thought.

There hadn't been any new assignments yet, leaving Tsuzuki and Hisoka to work on their new paperwork. Well, as for Tsuzuki, there would always be twice as much as Hisoka, since he never got the old stuff done.

It was late afternoon when Hisoka finally finished his paperwork, while his elder partner hadn't even made a dent, as usual. Tsuzuki was now doing nothing but staring at the papers as if it would show him a 3D image if he stared at it long enough.

Hisoka abruptly put down the pen and stood up from the chair, gathering his paperwork. "You're leaving?" Tsuzuki asked, looking up at the boy.

A nod.

"I'm coming too. I'll walk you home." Tsuzuki now started gathering his papers and cleared the mess on his desk as well.

Hisoka growled at him. "Are you sure you want to hand in blank paperwork to Tatsumi-san? He's already cut a huge portion of your salary. Besides, I'm not a child and I don't need to have someone walk me home."

"I didn't mean that. What's wrong with me caring about you?" The words actually stopped the boy from speaking further. He just barely managed to force out . . .

"…it's…"

'_If there's a time I stop caring, you can bet there's something wrong with me.' _Tsuzuki hoped he could say that out loud, but now wasn't the time.

Tsuzuki already had the pile of paperwork in his arms. "You're going to give those papers to Tatsumi, are you? Here, I'll take them for you." Without waiting for any reply from the boy, Tsuzuki just took the papers from him and ran out of the office, leaving the confused boy standing there.

---How can you said it's none of my business!

_I'm your partner!_ _I care for you!_ _I LIKE YOU!---

* * *

_

As Tsuzuki had desperately hoped, Hisoka was still in the office, waiting for him. The boy hadn't noticed that he was back, along with the half of his paperwork he carried to Tatsumi before. The young boy was leaning against the wall, folding his arms. His face turned to the window, eyes lingering at nothing in particular.

Tsuzuki stared at the boy. The soft orange and yellow sunlight in the late afternoon touched Hisoka. As the boy was usually in his light blue jeans, the soft warm rays of the sun made him even look nearly glowing. It was an impressive scene, but Tsuzuki, saw something else as well. What he saw was that small form looked almost…fading.

Hisoka was startled. Not at the small sound Tsuzuki had made nor the sound of the papers scattering to the ground, but at the emotions that leaked out of the older man.

A pang of worry, pain, and panic.

"Tsuzu…" Hisoka was about to ask what all of the sudden with those emotions when two hands grabbed his arms. "Wh…what? Tsuzuki." The boy promptly took a step backward to avoid those emotions but found himself against the wall.

The elder shinigami said nothing as he raised his hands to touch the boy's cheeks, which flushed a bright red as the hands made contact. Tsuzuki sighed with relief.

WHACK!

"Ouch! What are you doing?" He clutched the spot on his face where the boy had struck him.

"And what were _you_ doing?" Hisoka snarled, louder than Tsuzuki.

"…I was worried."

"About what?" The boy glanced, not getting the meaning of Tsuzuki's explanation.

'_You were fading, you were going away…'_

Tsuzuki couldn't bring himself to continue where he had started. He couldn't just lie to the boy, but he couldn't tell the truth either since he, himself, thought it wasn't something Hisoka should worry about.

"Sorry, forget it." Tsuzuki whirled around and started gathering the forgotten papers that were scattered across the floor when he had rushed to the boy. "But I didn't mean to hurt you…or scare you, Hisoka."

'_I know, I know, Baka. But you're not gonna tell me the truth.'_

Hisoka started picking the papers as well. "So I see Tatsumi-san didn't accept your blank paperwork."

"But I can work through these at home, he gave me special permission." Tsuzuki smiled.

* * *

They walked in a comfortable silence, heading to Hisoka's house. The boy was now trying to figure out why the usually talkative and happy-go-lucky partner of his was so quiet now. He took a quick glimpse at his partner, and found that Tsuzuki's eyes were actually fixed upon him.

Tsuzuki hadn't said anything because he was too busy staring at him. The empath was getting uncomfortable at his partner's action. "Is there something on my face?"

"Hmm? No." Tsuzuki replied, not aware that the boy was implying that he should stop looking at him.

"Ah! Hisoka, it's almost six, how about a dinner?" Tsuzuki checked his watch. "Are you eating at home? Or should I take you to some restaurant?"

"I'm not hungry, you can go to a restaurant," The boy raised his hand, motioning for Tsuzuki to decide.

"Are you not eating? You can't! You must eat!" The man was now urging the scowling boy who kept cursing himself to have said such a thing. He should have known that it would only make the man pester him even more.

The conversation reminded the empath of how much Tsuzuki cared about his welfare.

--- 'Did you have your breakfast yet? And a supper yesterday? You must eat full three meals. You want some of these? Cheesecake perhaps?' ---

He breathed deeply, "Ok, but I'm not going to restaurant, I'm tired."

"I can cook for you. What do you want to eat?" Tsuzuki exclaimed happily at his success in getting the boy to eat. To his surprise, Hisoka paled. He wasn't sure it was possible for his face to get any whiter, but he had.

"I won't let you in my kitchen."

"Wai! Why?" Tsuzuki threw out a hurt expression but all the reply he got was…

"Shut up!"

* * *

Finally, after the torturing lesson of 'Tsuzuki trying to feed Hisoka (Hisoka was going to eat instant food, Tsuzuki told him there were people dying of eating those things all the time, Hisoka told he was already dead, Tsuzuki won't stop…) was over, the boy was at the sink, cleaning things up. Tsuzuki sat sipping his tea as he was commanded to by his younger partner who demanded that he should not help clean because he would only mess things up.

Again it brought back the memory of the first time Tsuzuki had come to the house and took a look in the refrigerator. It was almost empty and what little food there would couldn't even compare to a quarter of the food in Tsuzuki's own fridge.

--- There was a small fight between the two. But the next morning Tsuzuki had came with a huge grocery bags and pounding at Hisoka's door.

When Hisoka had opened the door wondering who the hell would come at this dawn when the sun had just peek through the morning sky. Tsuzuki merely stepped in and went directly to the kitchen to put all kinds of food inside the fridge and told Hisoka to eat them all.

Bright green eyes blinked up at the concerned amethyst ones. Tsuzuki was a bit surprised that the boy didn't hit or shove him away when they were actually this close. The boy never would allow it back then.

Hisoka had been shocked at that time. Why would a person had to care that much? When he uttered only a word of 'why?' Tsuzuki only said because they were partner. ---

* * *

Hisoka sat himself in the bath tub filled with warm water which made its way over his pale bare skin. He folded his arms over the edge of the bath tub and rested his head upon them. Drops of water drips down from the blond locks plastered to his face. Hisoka closed his eyes and sighed in relaxation, welcoming the warmness enveloping him.

A moment or so had past. His eyelids slowly open, green eyes drifting. The house was rather small so despite the closed door he was still able to hear the sound of the television from the other room that Tsuzuki was occupying.

'_That baka, what's wrong with him today? He even insisted on coming in here to scrub my back.' _The empath pondered._ 'Come to think of it, he's been pestering me more than ever lately.'_

'_I know that back then he used to look after me'_

--- 'Hisoka, are you feeling well? You look paled. Did you eat full three meals? Did you bath before bed time? Did you have enough sleep?' ---

'_But it's Just like an elder partner would take care of the younger one. But lately, it's too much. Moreover, most of the time, it's not just his concerns. It's worries. What is it that he has to worry about?'_

"Hisoka? Are you all right in there?" The voice behind the bathroom door interrupted the boy's thought. "Hmm? Tsuzuki? What? I'm bathing here!" Hisoka snapped. '_Speak of the devil.'_

"Umm…nothing." The empath heard the footsteps as his partner left the door.

'_What's the matter with him?'

* * *

_

Hisoka put on his light cream long sleeve shirt and trousers, and dried out his wet hair with a light blue towel. The small figure made his way to where his elder partner was. He signed as he saw the man sink on the couch, fast asleep. Hisoka walked over and turned off the noisy television. For a moment, he merely stood there and watched the sleeping man.

'_He's tired…he worries too much about me…but why? Should I get the answer out of him or just let it be.'_

He sighed, left, and came back with a book. The boy flopped himself down on the couch softly, so as not to disturb the sleeping man next to him. Flipping through pages, he came to the page where he had left off. His eyes were on the book while his mind was somewhere else. The boy just couldn't ignore the mild weariness that crept out of the sleeping man beside him. "Baka."

Hisoka's soft voice pulled Tsuzuki out of his slumber. He stirred and blinked a few times before he was fully awake. He turned to the boy beside him who fixed his green eyes on the book. "Hmm? You're done bathing? Did you call me just now?"

"I didn't," Hisoka replied curtly, his eyes still on the book.

"Oh."

_'I forgot…I did called him 'Baka.''_

Then Hisoka took a deep breath, closed the book with a soft thud, and turned to face the man. "Tsuzuki, lately, has something been bothering you?" The boy started off.

"Huh? No…why?" The elder shinigami blinked in puzzlement while he gathered himself up and gave his young partner a fully attentive look.

Green eyes narrowed. "You've been worrying over me for weeks. I know it's not normal. It's different this time." Hisoka tried his best to calm his voice. He didn't want to fight about this topic.

Tsuzuki stuttered. "Did it make you…uncomfortable?" The question caught the boy off guard. Of course he felt uncomfortable, but…

He shook the thought away. "Answer my question, Tsuzuki." He demanded. Discussion was getting him nowhere fast.

"Well, I worry. When you took so long in the bath…I thought something might have happened to you," The man explained nervously. He seemed unsure of what he was saying.

"What? You think I'll step on the soap, flip over, and end up hitting my head or something like that?" The boy's eyebrows rose as he spoke.

Tsuzuki let out a soft chuckle. "No no, that's not what I mean."

"So, what about it?"

"On a second thought, that might be possible." Tsuzuki shrugged his shoulders absently.

"Tsuzuki! I'm serious!" Tsuzuki's cover-ups strained his patience. Hisoka now glared deeply into the man's eyes, and after a second of silence, he continued. "Is it him? Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki's eyes widened knowingly of who Hisoka was talking about, but he kept his mouth shut. Realizing the change in expression in the violet's eyes, Hisoka pushed the subject.

"Was it Muraki you were talking about when I woke up and not recalling the event of the previous night? What actually happened, Tsuzuki? What did I forget?"

At those questions, Tsuzuki tore his gaze away from the boy. "It's late, I better leave." He rose from the couch.

A pale hand caught his black suit sleeve, stopping Tsuzuki. "Don't get away with it, Tsuzuki. I just want to…" _help you out. _"Why don't you tell me, and we'll see if we can figure this out?"

Tsuzuki turned his face, looking down at the boy. Those beautiful green eyes were almost pleading. He couldn't bear the sight. He pried off the small hand and from his sleeve before he bend down and wrapped his arms around the boy. "Hisoka, can I…" He trailed off.

Hisoka was speechless. Before he could say a word, Tsuzuki pulled back, smiling warmly, "Sorry…forget it." He started prancing off, waving at the unmoving boy. "I'll see you tomorrow." The boy could only watch the man's back as he left.

'_Damn it, Tsuzuki. All you say is "sorry" and "forget it".'

* * *

_

As soon as he reached his apartment he made his way to his bedroom, took off his trenchcoat, suit, and his black tie then dropped them on the floor. He threw himself on the thick futon that was left unfold from this morning. Closing his eyes, he sighed into the thick blanket, "I can't tell him, I just can't."

'_What would he say…how would he feel…if he knew that that man was still lurking around freely? It's too soon.'_

He got up, unbuttoning his white shirt as he head towards the bathroom and get ready for bed. Over the sink, he brushed his teeth. Once he was finished he continued to wipe his mouth with cold water. He rubbed and scrubbed again and again. His lips were burning again.

* * *

To be continued… 


	5. Ch5 Face of Glass

Finally new chapter, I hope I can finish this as long as someone will beta-read my fic.

Special thanx to Chris for beta-reading!

note: just a reminder, ---memory event---

* * *

**Chapter 5 Face of Glass **

He was late to work, again. Tsuzuki could easily get away with his lame excuse on coming late but he wouldn't escape this time when Tatsumi asked him for the paper work he had took home the day before and found out that Tsuzuki had totally forgot about it. Tatsumi seemed to be quiet for a little while before he finally exploded.

"Go get your paperwork and finish it! Right now! You can't leave until you're done with it! I want it today! And the report for today as well! Am I making myself clear?" Tatsumi had to gasp for breathe, his angry eyes bore into the scare-to-death-violet ones.

Just like everybody had expected and Tatsumi had likely known, Tsuzuki hadn't finish them. While Hisoka went home, Tsuzuki could only sat and does his paper work. Somehow he managed it.

* * *

It was raining heavily outside. Hisoka's house. Suddenly, he thought he must have imagined it, for he heard the knock on the door. But when he opened it, he found Tsuzuki there. He only expected Tsuzuki to come over to his house maybe two times, but not three or four times in a row.

He didn't like it.

Hisoka asked himself when Tsuzuki had become so attached to him. He used to know and respect his privacy. But something was different now. Beside sheer overwhelming concerns, there were something else. And it was interfering with Hisoka's empathy. Most of the time, he didn't prefer Tsuzuki staying overnight at his house. He didn't want Tsuzuki to see him if he happen to have a nightmare about a certain person.

But many times now, it seemed that Tsuzuki was the one who had more nightmares himself. Almost every night he would wake up in the middle of the night, calling for Hisoka. Less the time the boy felt frustrated, and would mostly tried to comfort his partner in anyway he could. He knew something was wrong. But Tsuzuki would never speak of it. _'This is what it's like, isn't it?_' He thought. To have someone offer a help, but a person won't take it.

---Hisoka, if you're scared, you can come sleep with me tonight. The boy couldn't help but think of the time when Tsuzuki had grinned innocently at him and said that when they were on the case of St. Michael, where all the boys could fell as victims. And all he did was hurling that big heavy crucifix at his poor partner who has been nice to him.---

Then again, there came the fifth and sixth time where Tsuzuki just wouldn't quit coming to Hisoka's house until one day at the office, while they was only the two of them.

"Quit it, Tsuzuki! Stop following me around! All you said is that you were having a bad dreams about me going away from you! If you're not gonna tell me the whole story, then I'll just think that you only had a stupid dreams!" Hisoka finally exploded. He felt a pang of hurt; surely it came from Tsuzuki, but it might as well come from inside himself for scolding Tsuzuki.

The man looked away. "You don't understand what it's like…to have someone so important walk way…and disappeared from you." His eyes now looked gloomier than ever.

Hisoka couldn't respond to that statement right then. He came to realize what had happened back then in Kyotou.

---There's a thick white fog all around. He didn't know where he was, but the path that he could make out faintly looked like the Path of Philosopher. He turned around and saw a man in a black trenchcoat there. He was sure of who it was despite the thick fog that almost blinded his eyes. He called out. "Tsuzuki…"

With a faint whisper, the man turned and looked at him. Hisoka felt something wasn't right. This man he knew didn't smile brightly and hurry to him as he actually did. Instead, he smiled sadly, then turned his back on him. And walked away.

"Tsuzuki! Oi! Tsuzuki!" His heart leaped when Tsuzuki never look back no matter how hard and how many times he called.

'_Tsuzuki. Why? You would have turned around and come to me the first time I called you.'_

Then he bolted up from his sleep, gasping for breath.

"…A dream?" Hisoka quickly turned to his side and found an empty futon there.

_Tsuzuki._

He reached out and touched the futon, it was still warm. He was suddenly worried. He quickly left a note for Watari, who was still asleep and left the shabby apartment they were in. He ran, in search of Tsuzuki. For a while, he came to realize that maybe he was just too overreacting. He slowed down.

Hisoka found Tsuzuki there at the Path of Philosopher. He didn't know what exactly Tsuzuk was thinking. But it hurt him to see all the signs of desperation on Tsuzuki's face. And it hurt him even more when he called out and his partner just slipped his mask on when he realized Hisoka was there. That's why Hisoka turned his face away, and talked about something else.---

"Hisoka, you blanked out again…"

"Huh?" Hisoka blinked and realize that he was lost in thought again. Tsuzuki was gazing at him.

"You were lost in your own thoughts again. Don't leave me here alone." He said.

"I didn't…" Hisoka urged out. "It's you that is always keeping things in your head and leaving other people out…leaving me out." The last words came out in a faint whisper as Hisoka left the room. Tsuzuki could only sit there.

* * *

When night came, Hisoka tossed and turned in his sleep. Tsuzuki didn't come tonight. _'Should I talk this over with Tatsumi-san and Watari-san? After all, they're the only ones who might be able to help out. But what could I say. I don't even know what's wrong with Tsuzuki. And he might not feel very happy if I talk about his problem. But again…what could I do by myself…'_

After it seemed like hours, he was able to sleep.

* * *

Tatsumi was a bit surprised Tsuzuki showed up on JuOhCho much earlier than he usually did. But he looked tired and gloomy. The brown-haired man handed over the paper to Tatsumi. It almost seemed a miracle that Tsuzuki had done all the papers for the past months. He seemed to be a little swept of his feet when he came to Tatsumi.

'Maybe I was too hard on him yesterday.' Tatsumi's eyes softened.

"Good work, Tsuzuki-san." He awarded his co-worker with a smile. And was astonished when Tsuzuki didn't have his tail or ears pop up into a little puppy like he used to whenever Tatsumi was kind to him as if he have forgave him about the undone work. Tsuzuki only smiled faintly.

"Tsuzuki-san, you look tired. There's no paper work today, why don't you go home and get some rest?" Tatsumi expected Tsuzuki to turn up brightly, but he didn't. Instead Tsuzuki spoke:

"Really. Well then…can you…" He started off but turned back.

Tatsumi waited, seeing Tsuzuki was about to say something. Still, he didn't.

"Do you wish to deliver any message to Kurosaki-kun?" the brown-haired man asked knowingly. Violet eyes seemed to be drifting off for a while, but then he shook his head, then turned to leave. Now Tatsumi realized something wasn't right. He caught up with Tsuzuki and took Tsuzuki by the arm. Tsuzuki looked at him confused.

"What's wrong, Tsuzuki-san? You don't look like you just haven't had enough sleep." He asked with polite concern.

"Hmm? Nothing's wrong, Tatsumi." Tsuzuki spoke neutrally. Upon seeing those mask that slip on, Tatsumi let go of him.

* * *

Hisoka strolled determinedly to the building of JuOhCho.

'I'll talk to Tatsumi-san and Watari-san about this and see if they have any idea about what's wrong with Tsuzuki. I hope you're there, Tsuzuki. So you won't be able to run away. The three of us are gonna choke your answer out if we have to.'

He entered the building, walking on the red carpet across the hallway and headed directly to the office, expecting to see Tsuzuki and the other two elders there. But he only saw Tatsumi, sitting in one of the desk. Hisoka thought it was a little unlike him to sit on someone else's desk. Usually, Tatsumi didn't have much time to sit around in one of the offices. He worked in his own office. He could see that the secretary may have been waiting for someone. Tatsumi turned to Hisoka.

Hisoka gave him a polite greet, so as Tatsumi. And with determination to speak, called out the name, just at the time Tatsumi had called him too.

"Oh…I'm sorry, Tatsumi-san. Is there anything you want to say?" Hisoka abruptly put up.

Tatsumi got out of the chair and came closer. "Well, Kurosaki-kun. It's about Tsuzuki-san."

"Tsuzuki? What's wrong with him?" Unexpected to Tatsumi, Hisoka's eyes turned up in sheer concern.

Tatsumi was taken aback. The boy seemed to be worried a little more than the other times. He wondered what happened between the two. "Well, he didn't look very well this morning so I sent him home. But I could tell there was something wrong with him. I'm asking if you could check on him sometime in the afternoon. There's no work for you two today, anyway." He informed.

"He did?" Hisoka's eyes shifted, thinking.

"And, were you going to say something just now?" Tatsumi asked politely.

"Uhh, well, it's about him, that problem guy." Hisoka shrugged with a hint of annoyance and concern in his eyes. "Is Watari-san here yet, I think he needs to know about this too."

* * *

Hisoka had reached Tsuzuki's apartment. He walked past one of the apartment's room that belonged to an old couple. Hisoka gave them a polite nod while they asked him if he had come looking for his friend. It could be nothing else.

Hisoka had known these old people for a while since the first time he came to Tsuzuki's house. Tsuzuki introduced everything and everyone he knew around his apartment, as if it was like Hisoka was moving in with him. That's what his partner had done, to make him feel like home. He even took Hisoka into a small garden with various kinds of flowers around the apartment. That time, Hisoka had been surprised. Those flowers had been beautiful. The boy was wondering. _'How could such an irresponsible person like you do this much?'_

'_Maybe growing flowers is easier than taking people's soul._'

And Tsuzuki had asked if Hisoka would like to come and help with the garden anytime. The boy never did, and he began to feel somewhat…regret.

He got to the back of the apartment which leaded to a small garden. A garden his partner had made. The smell of cool grass and flowers were just like the paths in JuOhCho. No wonder Tsuzuki loved to take a nap in this kind of place.

The sun was setting down on the horizon, creating the beautiful mixture of light. The birds flew across it and landed on the nearby tree's branches. Beneath it, the brown-haired man was leaning against the large trunk. He was fast asleep. Some birds were around him jumping around the small bag of rice and seeds beside the man. And more were on his legs and shoulder, cooing around. Tsuzuki shifted his position slightly, but he was far from waking.

And there Hisoka found him, sleeping on the trunk of the tree, still asleep with the birds all around him. For a moment Hisoka didn't move, he just stood there and watched his partner.

"Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki stirred, some birds about him jumped about, but they did not leave his side. Hisoka watched the purple eyes opened slowly. Those eyes smiled at the birds warmly looking about before they turned to Hisoka. And his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"Hisoka?" A bird on his head cooed, flapping its wings at Tsuzuki's voice.

Hisoka turned away. "Tatsumi-san said you're not well." He refered to Tatsumi for the reason he was here. "Well, you're supposed to in bed, resting."

Tsuzuki smiled, petting some birds gently. Hisoka just watched. Despite the weariness from his partner, he could sense something very warm about Tsuzuki being in this place, with all those birds. He had known a long time ago; most animals liked Tsuzuki, especially birds and dogs. "I'm not sick, just a bit tired."

"Liar."

It turned out to be a little edgy silence between them until Tsuzuki again turned his attention from the birds to Hisoka.

"Why are you standing there? Come here." He offered his hand out.

Hisoka didn't move, he remained his distance and looked agitated. "But if I walk in, those birds will fly away." It's natural that birds are afraid of human. You won't see a single sparrow stay close to human a metre away. It's only Tsuzuki that they dared and even loved to get closed to.

Tsuzuki let out a laugh. "No, it won't. Come." He persuaded.

Hisoka reluctantly took a step. When he came closer, some birds undoubtedly flew away. But he didn't stop, seeing Tsuzuki with his still outstretched hand. Until he was close enough, most birds already flew away, only a few remain by Tsuzuki's side. Tsuzuki took Hisoka's wrist and motioned him to sit down beside him.

"See? They're gone." Hisoka mumbled as he seated himself beside Tsuzuki.

"They're just not used to you." Replied Tsuzuki.

"What's the different? They're gone anyway." Hisoka wasn't sure if he sounded like complaining, but he wasn't. He didn't care anyway if the birds would liked him. But he knew they liked Tsuzuki and wanted to stay close to him. He knew.

Tsuzuki turned to the side, grabbed the small bag that contained the bird's food. "Give me your hand." He motioned the boy to spread his palm so that he could put some seeds in Hisoka's hand.

"What are you doing?" Hisoka asked idly.

Tsuzuki didn't answer, they waited. Nothing happened. Tsuzuki then put some amount of food in his own palm. Some birds suddenly flew over and on to him and Hisoka gasped softly at the sudden movement of flapping. "Come here." Tsuzuki closed his palm over Hisoka. Their hands touched and some birds that are on Tsuzuki now started jumping on Hisoka's hand. Shortly after, more birds came over to Hisoka.

Hisoka felt a little uneasy, having never have this much birds flapping around him.

"Just relax, Hisoka. You won't hurt them and they won't hurt you."

For a while, Hisoka somehow felt like he was fond of this moment. Tsuzuki was laughing and smiling. Just then, Hisoka thought. _'How long has it been since I've seen him like this. Yeah, since when…' _Green eyes widened slightly in realization. _'I almost forgot. I came here to…'_

He took another look at Tsuzuki' smiling face one last time. Then he blurted out. "Tsuzuki. Today I talked to Tatsumi-san and Watari-san. I'm sure we'll be able to help you."

Tsuzuki's eyes confused, and there was a hint of fear in it, he knew what Hisoka was talking about.

"Tomorrow morning. I'll take you to them. We'll see what we can do."

* * *

Idon't know if the title fits this chapter, I see no other title that might fits better. Anyway, thx if anyone's still reading. 


	6. Ch6 Locked Heart

well, it's been a while (it's been a while everytime) here's the continuation.

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**Chapter 6 Locked Heart**

'_Tsuzuki, what is it that you have to be so afraid to tell me._

_But… just remember, no matter what happens, I'll always still be here.'_

Hisoka laid on his bed, staring at the white ceilings. He had left Tsuzuki with those words before he got out of Tsuzuki's house. He only hoped Tsuzuki would give a time to think about his words

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However, Tsuzuki had not. He hasn't think about Hisoka's words, or so Hisoka thought. For the next day, he acted as if everything was normal. Everyone, especially Hisoka, noticed Tszuuki wasn't fine at all. It was obvious. When lunch time came, Tatsumi, Watari, and Hisoka

"No lunch for you if you won't talk." Tatsumi stated.

"What?" Tsuzuki asked naively.

"Stop fooling around Tsuzuki, we know that you know what we're talking about." Watari spoke moodily. He too was frustrated like Tatsumi by Tsuzuki not talking.

Tsuzuki looked at the scientist then to the secretary, and lastly at his partner who hasn't speak a word. Hisoka just kept his glare on Tsuzuki, crossing his arms over his chest, looking moodily.

It took a while. No matter how Tatsumi and Watari insisted Tsuzuki to them what was wrong, Tsuzuki wouldn't say about what was bothering him. Until Hisoka sighed, and started to cross for the doorway. Tsuzuki, trying to look for some way out from the conversation, asked. "Where're you going, Hisoka?"

Tatsumi and Watari turned and noticed the boy's leaving. Hisoka didn't turn; he had his hand on the doorknob. "Tatsumi-san, Watari-san. Maybe we should just leave him be. I think I'm hungry. If you'll excuse me." He swung the door opened.

"Hisoka, I'm hungry too." Tsuzuki wanted to leave, so did he want to eat.

"Tsuzuki. I was wondering. Have you thought about what I said earlier?" He spoke in monotonous voice, still had his back to the three.

The man was confused. "Umm…Yes I did."

Hisoka turned his face to Tsuzuki; his face showed no signs of emotion. "Liar. You really find my word hard to believe, don't you?" With that, the boy turned to leave but not before Tsuzuki caught a glimpse of Hisoka's face before he left.

A hint of sadness.

Tsuzuki was speechless.

"Tsuzuki-san, may I remind you that back then, you've mentioned that after the death of Tsubaki's princess. Kurosaki-kun talked lesser. You said so yourself that…when you just watch him without being able to do anything…is a pain." Tatsumi put up.

"If something happened to you, we might lose you. You know who would be the first one to cry." Watari this time chose to spoke frankly.

Tsuzuki only gazed at them nervously.

"Tsuzuki-san. Is this the way you want things to be? Not telling us what's wrong?" Tatsumi repeated.

For a moment Tsuzuki closed his eyes, contemplating his thoughts. Then he looked at the two, his eyes steady. "Honestly, nothing's wrong. You guys worry too much and got the wrong idea. It's just that memory that happened in Kyoto." He paused, turning away. "Please don't ask anymore. I want to forget it."

There was silence. Until Tatsumi shifted his position, pushing glasses up his nose. "So be it. We're sorry to bother you."

"Tatsumi?" Watari exclaimed softly as the conversation were to be given up so easily. And what was bothering Tsuzuki will continue to be unknown.

"We will talk no more of this, Watari-san." He sent a slight glare to stop the scientist, and then turned away. "Well, how about some lunch?" He said changing the subject.

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_Castle of Candles_

One late afternoon of one fine day in Meifu, the JuOhCho's staffs got an invitation from the Count to join the Fancy Mask Party at the Castle of Candle. Tatsumi arranged the order in renting some outfits for the guys to wear for the party.

It was this day too that Hisoka met and get to know the two elder women from the HenCho, Ministry of Defence, Kazuma and Nonomiya, as they will also accompany them to the said party.

At 6:30PM, the party began, with the Count in some outrageous fancy outfit and a little fight over conversation between him and Tatsumi. Still, they all managed to stay for some food, wine, and dancing.

Hisoka saw that Tsuzuki was having fun. He felt somewhat very better, watching Tsuzuki gobbled down all the food, drank the wine, and danced with Wakaba. Hisoka just watched.

'_He seems to be fine now. I hope he is.'_ He sighed, almost smiling inside.

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An hour had passed.

"U…urg. What a party." In the lobby with no people around, Hisoka sat on one of the chair, clutching his forehead. It was his empathy, happens everytime in a crowded place. He heard laughter and joyful screaming behind the hall closed door. "It's gonna be a long party. Urg. I wanna leave."

By chance, he saw Watsan looking suspicious at the corner of the room. As he called the little valet and have some conversation. A loud scream suddenly broke out…

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

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"My mask! Someone stole my mask!" the Count announced, covering his face when Tsuzuki and the others burst into one of the room he was occupying.

A little chaos of blaming for the lost of the mask has been going on but at last they decided to form three groups and go separately in search of the mask.

Tsuzuki, as bad luck as it could be, got paired up with the Count and Terazuma. When they started searching, they went over a little fight all along the way. There are too many rooms still to be search. They agreed to separate again to end up all the troubles they were having with each other.

As Tsuzuki was now alone, in one of the luxurious guest room. He found something that shouldn't be there. The last thing he ever wanted to see.

"Are you looking for something, Tsuzuki-san?" A deep cold voice came. And there he stood, in a white coat, smiling maliciously as ever. Tsuzuki gasped.

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Not far from there, another group: Watari, Kazuma, and Hisoka were doing there task as well. Abruptly, Hisoka stopped; he stood frozen for a while, green eyes widened.

Watari, noticed the boy, asked. "What's wrong, Bon?

Hisoka just clutched his head. "…zuki"

"What?" Kazuma asked not hearing quite clear.

"Tsuzuki…!" Hisoka suddenly started to panic out.

"What's with Tsuzuki?" Watari asked again out of confusion.

"He's in danger! We must find him, immediately! Please!" He shouted, despite the headache he had.

Although they didn't really have any idea about what's going on, but knowing the boy's empathy was never wrong, the two elders got the situation. They separated on Hisoka's confirmation that he'll be fine by himself.

As for Hisoka, he tried to quicken his pace. But the headache worsened holding him back; he stumbled along the lonely hallway, coming across one of the room. He felt that something was there. Something. He hoped it was his partner while he paced around the large room.

Candles are everywhere.

"Looking for something? Demon child."

Green eyes widened in realization of the voice as he slowly turned to the side. He knew that voice. A woman's voice that used to curse him all the time when he was still a child. His eyes finally set on the shadowy figure in the dark corner of the room

Black, curly hair in a red kimono, was all Hisoka could made out. Her face remained hidden in the shadow. But Hisoka knew by that voice, by that look, something he was very familiar to back then.

"Mo…Mother?" His lips trembled; he spoke the word without thinking.

The figure then slowly moved towards him. The figure came into view. Her face showed no signs of emotion, she was the way Hisoka had remembered 5 years ago. Once before, a beautiful woman; then later turned into a lady with the eyes filled with hatred.

"What could be possibly lost from you?"

Hisoka froze.

"When you don't own anything in the first place…"

Hisoka took a step backward when "his mother" came closer. He then bumped into another figure behind him.

"You don't own him." Came the voice, Hisoka swiftly turne,.his eyes widening once again.

A figure stood there as familiar as if he were looking into a mirror. Green emerald eyes and blondish hair.

"…Father?" Now all the strength he had left disappeared from his body. He stumbled sideways towards the floor.

The two figures moved closer to him as he tried to back off. "No…don't come…any closer…"

All the horrible memories had flooded back. The boy clutched his head. It hurts and he was scared. He can't stop trembling all over.

"Demon child…" the two won't stop calling him that. Hisoka found himself against the wall. He still had his hands over his face, not daring to look at "his parents"

"Demon child…"

"No! Go Away!" Hisoka shook his head, trying to suppress the sobs. When he knew his words won't make them leave, he could only think of one thing. "…Help…Tsuzuki…"

The two figures stopped for a moment, leaving some little space between them and the boy. Hisoka noticed it for when he slowly looked up, hoping they were gone.

But they were still there. Their blank face was still looking down at him, then his father again spoke again.

"He can't come save you all the time."

Hisoka's heart clenched, but he got to realize it.

'_Why don't Tsuzuki come?'_

The mother's hand began to reach for Hisoka. With the two backed him against the corner he have no where to escape. He have his arm around himself as if to protect from whatever the two will do but his thoughts haven't stop rumbling as he shut his eyes tight.

'_Why…why Tsuzuki's not coming.' _His eyes widened before the thought about it.'_But wait. Tsuzuki's lost, I surely felt that something's wrong with him. He might probably be in danger. Maybe a more serious than mine. That's why he can't come…that's why I should…"_

Before a hand could reach him. The boy slapped it away, as hard as he could. Physically, he didn't feel that he had touched it. His hand merely moved through the lady's hand.

An illusion.

Hisoka opened his eyes, recalling of what Tatsumi had told him back then about the unwanted image that will be created by the lights of the candles here.

Gradually, Hisoka forced himself to look up at the two. Green eyes still held fear but they were steadier this time.

'_Tsuzuki's in danger. I should…be there and help him.'_

His mother retreated her hand. "Such a real demon, are you? Acting aggressive against your parent." She spoke in a cold voice.

Hisoka glared at them. His eyes not altered away as the mother's expression changed. From the emotionless to the vicious one. "Such a demon, are you?" She yelled, now reaching fiercely to grab Hisoka's throat. Hisoka was caught off guard when his mother strangled him. Her face became the resemblance of an angry monster.

He could hardly breath, struggling to get the hands off of him. _'This can't be. They…they're just an illusion. But this pain…!" _He could barely see his father still standing there, whispering. "This is your grave." The boy struggle violently, trying to get his mother's hands off of him.

'_No…no…I have to go…Tsuzuki…This is not my grave!'_

Hisoka have one of his hand loose from his mother's and grabbed for whatever was close to him. He got the candles stand in his hand and hit it forcefully at his attacker. Again, it went through her body, she backed off. Hisoka grasped for breath and saw that the woman began to fade, slightly.

When he got himself up, he didn't wait to snatch another candle stand and threw it to the two, with all his might.

'_Illusion. It's just an illusion.'_ He kept telling himself as he closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he spoke in a cold and forceful voice emphasizing each and every word. "You're not my parents. Now…leave."

For a moment, the two figures faded, and dissolved away. Hisoka watched them leave for a while. When he was sure they were certainly gone, the cold look disappeared from his face, replaced by the expression of vulnerable. He staggered out of the room and leaned himself against the closed door, breathing heavily.

"Tsuzuki…" he urged out as he started stumbling through the hallway. When he was about to fall out of exhaustion, an arms caught him and supported him to stands up right.

It was Watari who was about to say something but the boy cut in.

"Did you find Tsuzuki? Is he all right?" He hurriedly asked.

"He's fine. Bon. He's fine…by now. Kazuma found him." Watari decided not to give more information on what Tsuzuki had faced with, and studied the boy as he sigh in relief. "What happened to you? You've worn out this much because of the empathy? About Tsuzuki?" He asked concernedly.

Hisoka nodded, lying. Watari, not actually believe in his words, looked at him. As Hisoka noticed it, he starts striding off. "Let's just go, they're waiting, are they?"

Watari's eyes followed the boy, he sighed. _'Not only Tsuzuki that kept his problem inside and worried us. You too, Bon.'_

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thanks for reading and thanks for reviewing, people!


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